the sixth month

so, can anyone else believe i've been here five full months now? i find it hard to believe. sometimes it feels like i got off the plane just yesterday, and other days it feels like it's been ages since i've been home.

when i first started doing these "month marker" posts, i wanted them to be about the things that i've learned since i've been here, and my goals going forward, or things that i want to remind myself of. a lot of this is for my own benefit; an online diary, of sorts, for me to look back at when the year is done to see where i was at during each marker.

LESSONS LEARNED (tangible):

1. i hate riding the train. i've noticed that since i've been living here i get these slight anxiety attacks when i'm surrounded by people. i cannot even begin to tell you the annoyance that rises up in me when someone sits down directly across from me on the train, their knees touching mine, when there's plenty of open seats around us. it is a constant reminder that i'm not as easygoing as i like to think i am.
2. i am not a TV-watcher. i have watched maybe about 10 hours of TV since i've been here...i just could care less to turn it on, most of them. Why, when there's millions of blogs that you could be reading?? i would much rather learn about the every day details of peoples' REAL lives.
   
3. i miss stores like Target with an unhealthy, deep-rooted passion.
   
4. i am starting to fall in love with accessories - hats, purses, long necklaces, etc.
   

LESSONS LEARNED (on life):

1. it's okay to miss home...everyday.
2. you find out who your friends are when you move away for a year. try it.
   
3. life doesn't slow down for the good parts...or speed up for the bad ones, and everything that we go through is shaping who we are.

okay, enough inspirational talk. but seriously, those things are all so, so true. since i've been here, i've had some low points where i was ready to get on a plane back to Illinois ASAP. and then there's times, like when sixten is warm and sleepy and curled in my lap in the morning, or when i'm on the beach in Thailand, that i think, 'how can i leave this??'

i've been noticing in myself lately this EXTREME urge to get everything figured out...to eliminate all the unknowns in every area of my life: relationships, future job, where i'll be living when i get back to the States, to name a few. but i really feel like God's been reminding me to just live in the moment and not wish so much for the future or for things i can't change. i was listening to the new Kenny Chesney CD the other day and one of his songs is called "Don't Blink" and it's written from the perspective of a 100-year-old man who's being asked about what's he's learned over the years, and he says "Don't blink" (among other things...it's a good song, even if it is kenny chesney). and then my best friend, Steph, wrote a blog about a patient of hers that could be potentially dying of cancer, and how much its reminded her to live life every day.

i think it's not so much about living life to its fullest, but to simply live in the moment wherever you are, whether you're loving your life or hating your life.

anyway, that's what i've been thinking about. on a side note, i got tired of blending in with all the Swedish blondes and decided to go dark. here's a couple pictures of me and Sixten...or Luke Skywalker, as he'd prefer to be called: