saying goodbye

i'm saying goodbye to the kids tonight because we're leaving before they wake up in the morning for the airport. and i've - stupidly - been thinking all week that i wouldn't have a hard time with it at all. but here i am, bawling like a baby at the thought of going to say goodbye to them.

these three children were my reason for coming to Sweden, and while there were many times that they drove me crazy, i could never escape the fact that they are the sweetest, brightest, most fun children i've ever met. i realized tonight that i've seen them almost every single day this year, and spent so many days getting them ready for bed, making their breakfast, their dinners, driving them to school and to activities, holding them when they're hurt or crying, jumping with them on the trampoline, reading to them, cooking with them, drawing endless imaginative pictures, and just being their friend. i know the curve of Sixten's head, the softness of Klara's skin and the smallness of Kasper's hand. i know the foods they love (not too many) and the foods they hate (the list is ridiculous). i know that Klara hates lots of toothpaste on her toothbrush, and Sixten loves being tickled. Kasper has an imagination that's greater than mine will ever be.

love is such a crazy thing - it grabs you in unlikely places, and it's almost painful to experience the fullness of it...but yet, it leaves you wanting more.

all i can think of, as i get ready to head into their house and tell them goodnight for the very last time, is that i love these children. i love them fiercely, deeply and protectively. and thinking about how much i will miss them breaks my very heart.